Sources: U.S. drone strike kills important Taliban commander

WANA, Pakistan (Reuters) - A U.S. drone strike killed a key Taliban commander, his deputy and eight others in northwest Pakistan, intelligence sources and tribal leaders said Thursday, deaths that could substantially alter the power balance in the Taliban heartland of Waziristan.

Maulvi Nazir Wazir, also known as Mullah Nazir, was killed on Wednesday night when missiles struck a mud house in South Waziristan, near the Afghan border, intelligence sources and residents said.

He had survived at least one previous drone attack and was wounded weeks earlier in a bomb attack believed to have been launched by Taliban rivals.

His key commanders and his deputy, Ratta Khan, were also killed in the attack at Angoor Adda, near the provincial capital of Wana, sources said.

Nazir had expelled foreign militants from his area, favored attacking American forces in Afghanistan and had signed non-aggression pacts with the Pakistani military in 2007 in 2009. That put him at odds with some other Pakistan Taliban commanders, but earned him a reputation as a "good" Taliban among some in the Pakistan military.

Nazir's successor was announced in front of a crowd of thousands at his funeral, a witness said. People will be watching closely to see if fellow Wazir tribesman Salahud Din Ayubi continues with Nazir's policies.

The military has a large base in Wana, where Nazir and his men were based. Nazir presided over an uneasy peace between the militants and the army there, but the truce was endangered by the military's alliance with the United States and drone strikes, a military officer said recently.

"The (drone) program is making things very difficult for us. Nazir is the sole remaining major militant leader willing to be an ally," he said.

"If he decides to side with (Pakistan Taliban leader) Hakimullah, thousands of fighters will come to the frontlines against the Pakistani military. It is in our interest to keep him neutral, if not on our side, because then we can direct our resources against anti-state militants with much greater efficiency."

PRAYERS FOR "OUR HERO"

Militants have launched a string of attacks in Pakistan in recent months, including shooting dead 16 aid workers and an attack by multiple suicide bombers on the airport in the northern city of Peshawar.

Residents said the main market in Wana shut down on Thursday to mark Nazir's death. The were calls over loudspeakers for prayers for his soul.

"The tribesmen are very grieved at his death as he was our hero. He had expelled all the foreign militants from our villages and towns and given real freedom to our people," a local shopkeeper in Wana bazaar, Siraj Noor Wazir, said.

Foreign militants, particularly Uzbeks, are disliked in some parts of the Pakistani tribal areas because of their perceived brutality towards civilians.

Nazir was wounded in the market in a bombing in November, widely believed to be a result of his rivalries with other Taliban commanders. Six others were killed in the same attack.

Both the Afghan and Pakistani Taliban draw support from ethnic Pashtuns, who live on both sides of the Afghan-Pakistani border. Rivalry between militant factions often reflects old rivalries between Pashtun tribes.

Shortly after the bombing, Nazir's Wazir tribe told the Mehsud tribe, related to Taliban leader Hakimullah Mehsud, to leave the area. Hakimullah Mehsud's men frequently target the Pakistani army.

The army has clawed back territory from the Taliban since launching a military offensive in 2009. North Waziristan, along the Afghan border, is now the key Pakistan Taliban stronghold.

Pakistan's ally the United States is eager for it to push further forward into North Waziristan before NATO troops begin drawing down in Afghanistan in 2014 but the military says it needs to consolidate its gains.

Senior U.S. officials have frequently charged that some elements within Pakistan's security services retain ties to some Taliban commanders because they wish to use the Taliban to counter the influence of archrival India.

Four men in a car were killed in North Waziristan in a separate drone strike, local residents said. Their identity was not immediately known.

Intensified U.S. drone strikes have killed many senior Taliban leaders, including the former leader of the Pakistani Taliban, Baitullah Mehsud, in 2009.

The strikes dramatically increased when U.S. President Barack Obama took office. There were only five drone strikes in 2007. The number of strikes peaked at 117 in 2010 before declining to 46 last year.

Data collected by the Bureau of Investigative Journalism say that between 2,600-3,404 Pakistanis have been killed by drones, of which 473-889 were reported to be civilians.

Rights groups say that some residents are so afraid of the strikes they don't want to leave their homes.

"People of Wazir tribe are mourning Nazir's death but they are reluctant to attend his funeral because of fears of another drone attack," one resident said.

Civilian casualties are difficult to verify. Foreign journalists must have permission from the military to visit the tribal areas along the Afghan border.

Taliban fighters also often seal off the sites of drone strikes immediately so Pakistani journalists cannot see the victims.

Some Pakistanis say the drone strikes are an infringement of sovereignty and have called for a halt. Others, including some residents of the tribal areas, say they are killing Taliban commanders who have terrorized the local population.

The insecurity will be a key issue in elections scheduled for this spring. The nuclear-armed nation of 180 million has a history of military coups, but these polls should mark the first time one elected civilian government hands power to another.

(Additional reporting by Saud Mehsud in Dera Ismail Khan, Jibran Ahmad in Peshawar, and Mehreen Zahra-Malik and Katharine Houreld in Islamabad; Writing by Katharine Houreld; Editing by Nick Macfie)

Source: http://news.yahoo.com/u-drone-strike-kills-important-taliban-commander-sources-052339677.html

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Turning smartphones into secure and versatile keys

Public release date: 3-Jan-2013
[ | E-mail | Share ]

Contact: Alexandra Dmitrienko
alexandra.dmitrienko@sit.fraunhofer.de
49-615-116-75566
Fraunhofer-Gesellschaft

Smartphones and tablets have become an integral part of our daily lives. The capabilities of these handily sized mini-computers seem almost boundless as we phone friends, shoot holiday snaps, lose ourselves in a new music download or access the internet to obtain the boarding card for our next fl ight in comfort. Does it not seem logical, then, that we should make use of these constant companions as the key to our cars, front doors or lockers as well? A few such solutions are already available, but what's still missing is widespread market acceptance. At this year's CeBIT trade fair in Hannover (March 5-9, 2013), researchers from the Fraunhofer Institute for Secure Information Technology SIT in Darmstadt will be demonstrating their ShareKey software, a solution which will make the key app concept even more versatile and secure.

"In essence, ShareKey offers two new functions: users can issue digital keys remotely and assign these keys certain user permissions. For instance, I can grant the building superintendent access to my apartment for a short period so that he can open the door for the gas meter to be read while I'm at work," explains Alexandra Dmitrienko from the SIT. "The solution is built around modern security technologies and can be easily integrated into existing access control systems." ShareKey sends electronic keys directly to the user's mobile phone, in the form of a QR code attached to an e-mail or MMS.

Protecting parcel stations from phishing

One thing that Dmitrienko and her team will also be demonstrating at CeBIT (Hall 9, Booth E08) is a parcel station where access rights to individual compartments are issued using ShareKey. "Recently, users of parcel stations have fallen victim to phishing attacks. Equally, hackers continue to target their efforts on smartphones. In light of this, the big challenge was to protect the electronic keys without compromising the intuitive operation of such devices," explains Dmitrienko.

ShareKey works using the Near Field Communication (NFC) transmission standard, which allows data to be exchanged wirelessly over short ranges of up to a few centimeters."To open a door, all you need to do is hold your mobile phone close to the lock," says Dmitrienko. NFC interface and door locks only operate within a narrow bandwidth and have limited computing power. Consequently, scientists at the SIT have equipped ShareKey with particularly resource-efficient communication protocols. Further, electronic keys are reliably protected on the smartphone from malware and unauthorized access. This is achieved by leveraging advanced technologies which keep sensitive data on the smartphone separate from other data and apps (e.g. Fraunhofer's BizzTrust).

Communication between the mobile phone and a central server is protected by established security protocols. "And even if this communication is hacked into, it's impossible for unauthorized people to gain access to the digital key. This is because opening the door requires information contained both in the encrypted token sent to the user and in the app installed on their smartphone," clarifies Dmitrienko. Alongside front doors and parcel or locker compartments, the research scientist also suggests that the technology could potentially be applied to help administer keys in hotels or as part of car-sharing schemes. "The trend towards a 'shareconomy' will benefit the further development of this technology," concludes Dmitrienko. So the era of mobile phones as keys is one step closer.

###

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[ | E-mail | Share ]

?

AAAS and EurekAlert! are not responsible for the accuracy of news releases posted to EurekAlert! by contributing institutions or for the use of any information through the EurekAlert! system.

Public release date: 3-Jan-2013
[ | E-mail | Share ]

Contact: Alexandra Dmitrienko
alexandra.dmitrienko@sit.fraunhofer.de
49-615-116-75566
Fraunhofer-Gesellschaft

Smartphones and tablets have become an integral part of our daily lives. The capabilities of these handily sized mini-computers seem almost boundless as we phone friends, shoot holiday snaps, lose ourselves in a new music download or access the internet to obtain the boarding card for our next fl ight in comfort. Does it not seem logical, then, that we should make use of these constant companions as the key to our cars, front doors or lockers as well? A few such solutions are already available, but what's still missing is widespread market acceptance. At this year's CeBIT trade fair in Hannover (March 5-9, 2013), researchers from the Fraunhofer Institute for Secure Information Technology SIT in Darmstadt will be demonstrating their ShareKey software, a solution which will make the key app concept even more versatile and secure.

"In essence, ShareKey offers two new functions: users can issue digital keys remotely and assign these keys certain user permissions. For instance, I can grant the building superintendent access to my apartment for a short period so that he can open the door for the gas meter to be read while I'm at work," explains Alexandra Dmitrienko from the SIT. "The solution is built around modern security technologies and can be easily integrated into existing access control systems." ShareKey sends electronic keys directly to the user's mobile phone, in the form of a QR code attached to an e-mail or MMS.

Protecting parcel stations from phishing

One thing that Dmitrienko and her team will also be demonstrating at CeBIT (Hall 9, Booth E08) is a parcel station where access rights to individual compartments are issued using ShareKey. "Recently, users of parcel stations have fallen victim to phishing attacks. Equally, hackers continue to target their efforts on smartphones. In light of this, the big challenge was to protect the electronic keys without compromising the intuitive operation of such devices," explains Dmitrienko.

ShareKey works using the Near Field Communication (NFC) transmission standard, which allows data to be exchanged wirelessly over short ranges of up to a few centimeters."To open a door, all you need to do is hold your mobile phone close to the lock," says Dmitrienko. NFC interface and door locks only operate within a narrow bandwidth and have limited computing power. Consequently, scientists at the SIT have equipped ShareKey with particularly resource-efficient communication protocols. Further, electronic keys are reliably protected on the smartphone from malware and unauthorized access. This is achieved by leveraging advanced technologies which keep sensitive data on the smartphone separate from other data and apps (e.g. Fraunhofer's BizzTrust).

Communication between the mobile phone and a central server is protected by established security protocols. "And even if this communication is hacked into, it's impossible for unauthorized people to gain access to the digital key. This is because opening the door requires information contained both in the encrypted token sent to the user and in the app installed on their smartphone," clarifies Dmitrienko. Alongside front doors and parcel or locker compartments, the research scientist also suggests that the technology could potentially be applied to help administer keys in hotels or as part of car-sharing schemes. "The trend towards a 'shareconomy' will benefit the further development of this technology," concludes Dmitrienko. So the era of mobile phones as keys is one step closer.

###

---

[ | E-mail | Share ]

?

AAAS and EurekAlert! are not responsible for the accuracy of news releases posted to EurekAlert! by contributing institutions or for the use of any information through the EurekAlert! system.

Source: http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2013-01/f-tsi010313.php

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NY pension fund sues Qualcomm for political records

(Reuters) - New York State's $150-billion public pension fund has sued Qualcomm Inc., seeking to force the chipmaker to reveal its political spending, according to the state comptroller.

The suit was filed late on Wednesday in Delaware Court of Chancery, after Qualcomm refused the request by the New York State Common Retirement Fund -- a Qualcomm shareholder -- to inspect records detailing the use of corporate resources for political activities, said state comptroller Thomas DiNapoli, who oversees the fund.

"Without disclosure, there is no way to know whether corporate funds are being used in ways that go against shareholder interests," DiNapoli, a Democrat who is up for re-election in 2014, said in a statement.

The suit opens a new front in the fight over corporate political spending, which has risen dramatically since the U.S. Supreme Court's 2010 ruling in Citizens United.

That decision lifted restrictions on corporate political spending and led in part to an unprecedented $6 billion of spending on the recently held U.S. elections.

While other companies have agreed to increase their disclosure of political spending, Qualcomm has not, the lawsuit said.

A spokeswoman for San Diego, California-based Qualcomm said the company had no immediate comment.

The New York State fund, the third-biggest public pension plan in the United States, owns more than 6.1 million Qualcomm shares, which are valued at about $396 million, based on Thursday's share price. The stake represents 0.36 percent of outstanding Qualcomm shares and makes the fund the company's 52nd largest shareholder, according to Thomson Reuters data.

New York is Qualcomm's largest U.S. public pension fund shareholder. The California Public Employees Retirement System, the largest U.S. pension fund with $241 billion in assets, owns about 4.3 million Qualcomm shares.

Since at least August 2012, the pension fund has repeatedly attempted to get the information from Qualcomm, but the company has refused to divulge it, the suit claimed.

New York's pension fund is "concerned that it cannot determine whether senior executives and directors of Qualcomm are spending corporate resources to support their favored political candidates" or on causes that aren't focused on boosting shareholder value, the complaint said.

Other sources show that in 2012, Qualcomm spent more than $4.7 million on federal lobbying efforts, according to the complaint.

The precise total is not known, DiNapoli told Reuters.

"Qualcomm has been particularly resistant in terms of disclosure," he said.

"The real question is we don't know what kind of spending they're doing," he said. "We have the right to have access to books to see where the spending is going."

In 2010, the fund and a group of other institutional investors asked most of the 500 biggest U.S. companies to disclose contributions.

Over the past two years, the group filed 27 related shareholder resolutions seeking more transparency, reaching deals with 10 companies, the comptroller said.

WITH NOVEL APPROACH, SUCCESS UNCERTAIN

The suit is believed to be the first in Delaware, where Qualcomm and most major U.S. companies are incorporated, to use the state's books-and-records law to compel political spending disclosures, a DiNapoli spokesman said.

As an institutional investor, the fund could attempt to remove directors from Qualcomm's board or sue board members if they were found to have wasted assets, the complaint said.

DiNapoli's office previously asked Qualcomm to provide documents that identified the date, recipient and amount of each political expenditure the company has made since January 21, 2010, as well as documents detailing the company's expenses for trade associations and other tax-exempt groups.

DiNapoli's office also asked for minutes of board meetings during which political causes or candidates were discussed.

The case would be tough to win if New York State claims that shareholders are entitled broadly to all documentation about political spending, according to Larry Hamermesh, a professor at Widener University School of Law in Wilmington, Delaware.

"I can't see a court saying that is correct any more than what a company spends on business in China are a legitimate subject for shareholder inspections," he said.

Hamermesh said investors might gain access if they take a targeted approach such as seeking contributions to specific races or contributions approved by the CEO.

Charles Elson, director of the Weinberg Center for Corporate Governance at the University of Delaware, said that if DiNapoli's legal team cannot point to evidence -- such as news reports that raised suspicions about the company's spending -- the lawsuit might not survive scrutiny by a judge who sees it as a fishing expedition,

But if it passes muster, the suit could become a model for other shareholders, Elson said.

DiNapoli's complaint said that studies indicate that corporate political spending is, in general, negatively correlated with enterprise value and can indicate widespread deficiencies in corporate governance.

Political donations can also backfire on corporations. For instance, Target Corp. in 2010 donated $150,000 to a political group that supported Minnesota gubernatorial candidate Tom Emmer, who opposed same-sex marriage. The contribution sparked backlash and led Target to later apologize, the suit noted.

(Reporting by Hilary Russ in New York and Tom Hals in Wilmington, Delaware; Additional reporting by Sinead Carew; Editing by Bernadette Baum, Leslie Adler and M.D. Golan)

Source: http://news.yahoo.com/ny-pension-fund-sues-qualcomm-political-records-191321440--sector.html

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'Dairy cliff'? Milk prices poised to spike unless Congress acts.

Prices could surge in January, but probably not double, if inaction by Congress results in the revival of a 1949 price system. And it probably won't come to that, as lawmakers work to avert dairy-case price shock.

By Mark Trumbull,?Staff writer / December 31, 2012

As the nation inches toward the economic 'fiscal cliff,' anxiety is growing in farm country about a separate looming deadline, one that reaches into the dairy industry and, indirectly, into the household budgets of consumers who buy milk and cheese.

Dinesh Ramde/AP/File

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Unless Congress acts to update its legislation on farming, milk prices could rise sharply in 2013.

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That's a worrisome prospect for budget-strapped families who already don't like paying $3.53 ? the average price per gallon of whole milk nationwide.

But prices wouldn't spike overnight. Prices probably wouldn't double, despite recent news reports citing the risk of $8 or $9 milk. And many political analysts expect that Congress will act to avoid having farm policy revert to a 1949 law's arcane formula on milk pricing.

Top leaders on the House and Senate Agriculture Committees have agreed to a one-year extension of the 2008 farm bill that expired in October, according to news reports as calendar year 2012 ticked to a close. But a vote by the full Congress on a farm-bill extension hasn't been scheduled.

So for now, American consumers are still waiting to see they are pushed over a so-called "dairy cliff." That clunky name is, of course, derived from the "cliff" metaphor that's being used for Congress's larger debate on tax and spending policies. In both cases, the similarity is that something will happen that most people don't like, unless lawmakers act soon.

Senate Agriculture Committee Chairman Debbie Stabenow (D) of Michigan indicated the House could vote on the bill soon, though House leaders have not yet agreed to put the bill on the floor. In addition to the one-year extension that has the backing of the committees, the House GOP is also considering two other extension bills: a one-month extension and an even smaller bill that would merely extend dairy policy that expires Jan. 1.

Without legislative action by year-end, US farm policy would revert on Jan. 1 to the provisions of the last permanent farm bill, the Agricultural Act of 1949.

Under that law the government would be bound to offer so-called "parity pricing" for fluid milk, under a scheme originally designed to ensure that farmers would be adequately compensated relative to the changing cost of living.

But "parity" was based on price relationships among various goods dating back to the period of 1910 to 1914. Agriculture experts say the original basket of prices used in the calculations included the price of a mule as a useful benchmark.

Source: http://rss.csmonitor.com/~r/feeds/csm/~3/1bTCkziJv5U/Dairy-cliff-Milk-prices-poised-to-spike-unless-Congress-acts

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Eulogy to Herschel

Jan. 2, 2013 ? With its 2160 litres of liquid helium about to run out, the Herschel Space Observatory will, by the end of March, become just another piece of space junk.

In January's Physics World, Steve Eales, a University of Cardiff astronomer who leads one of the telescope's largest surveys, explains how this space facility has advanced our understanding of star and galaxy formation.

Sub-millimetre wavelength astronomy -- the kind of astronomy that the European Space Agency's Herschel Space Observatory has been undertaking since blast off in May 2009 -- lets us observe fundamental astronomical events, reaching parts of the universe that optical light cannot.

As Eales writes, "In peering into the big clouds of gas and dust that are the "maternity wards" of stars and then detecting the sub-millimetre light emitted from the dust around the newly formed stars, Herschel is doing much to study star formation, which is one of astronomy's 'big questions'."

Held in place by the gravitational forces between Earth and the Sun, at some 1.6 million kilometres from us, Herschel has been able to detect faint sub-millimetre radiation from 10 billion years back in time.

Eales remarks on the pace at which our understanding of the universe is advancing thanks to the observatory, which was named after the German-born astronomer William Herschel, who discovered infrared radiation and the planet Uranus, with help from his sister Caroline.

Recalling whole nights spent looking for one new galaxy with its sub-millimetre predecessor -- the James Maxwell Space Telescope -- Eales describes how he recently turned up 7000 new galaxies in barely 16 hours using Herschel data.

The 2160 litres of helium that Herschel blasted off with has kept the observatory cold enough to ensure that the heat given off by its own machinery doesn't confuse its readings.

This March, however, the helium will run out and Herschel will be defunct. But, as Eales writes, "the treasure trove of Herschel data will be picked through by astronomers for years to come."

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Source: http://feeds.sciencedaily.com/~r/sciencedaily/top_news/top_technology/~3/3NCrZiLzXBk/130102083555.htm

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Communications | Caregiving.com

(From the Community Caregiving Journal 3-word prompt Pretend, Practice, Promise.)

1. Written word

I have begun to put a promise to myself into practice. It is slow going, but it is no longer at a standstill.

?Yes, I?m finally writing back! I?m sorry it?s taken me so long, but for me it?s mainly been a question of just what to say and how to say it.?

I hadn?t written back to these people in years and I?ve known them for almost 30. I had read their annual letters about their lives, their children?s lives, and now their grandchildren?s ? and then had placed those letters aside.

Like several others.

Some of my replies will be only short notes. Others will contain more detail.

?About a year ago [my partner] was diagnosed with MS, but its main damage is in her prefrontal cortex. This made it very hard to diagnose, and we?ve been through years of tests, specialists, and misdiagnoses. Her current definitive diagnosis is MS that acts like traumatic brain injury.?

That?s not the hard part to report. My partner and I agree on that information. For some replies, my letter will stop about there.

But I?ve known these people for a long time ? from long before my partner and I had first met.

?[My partner's] perspective differs from mine in several respects. I?ve held off much of my correspondence and have engaged in much self-censorship out of respect for that difference. My feeling is that her perspective arises mainly from her neurological damage.?

In every encounter or answered letter I face two choices: (a) be honest, or (b) be silent. For a long time I?ve been silent. The third choice, (c) pretend, is unacceptable to me.

Probably because, for a long time, I had pretended to myself that things couldn?t be as bad as they seemed. After all, my partner had kept insisting that she was okay. And I had grown up being told that so much was just my imagination and that I was overreacting to things. So what made this any different?

Part of being a caregiver was learning to trust myself and my instincts again. I had worked hard to do that in the past. But my partner?s disorder was another layer of that proverbial onion. I had to take old lessons learned (really, older ?lessons? unlearned) and relearn them within a new framework.

By the time I was done writing I had a three-page letter that still had some of the ?newsy? qualities that one expects in year-end missives. This time, the year-end letter came just from me. For now, at least, I replace our old tradition of sending letters together (discontinued years ago) with a new one of sending letters solo, so that I can express what I need to express.

This time I?m also including Caregiving.com flyers. They are my go-to icebreaker.

(A hand sculpture I did from pulped paper years ago.)

Part of my own difficulty lies in trying to gauge people?s responses. One friend had told me, once I spoke up, that she had wondered whether I had even noticed my partner?s strange behavior because I hadn?t said anything about it. I explained that I wasn?t going to call my partner out on it and publicly embarrass her, but that I had indeed noticed her behavior and had been noticing it for quite some time. In that particular case my partner had insisted on sitting on the floor at my friend?s house and had begun dry-brushing her teeth in the middle of a conversation, with the toothbrush she carried in her fanny pack. Whenever I had pointed her behavior out to her, usually after we had gotten home, she had rationalized it.

That?s basically been my modus operandi: to let my partner simply be in the world. And, when called for, to pick up the pieces.

But people do notice. There?s a reason a former neighbor of ours had told me, ?You know, she?s only going to get worse.? There?s a reason a friend of mine had warned me, five years ago, ?If you go down, you both go down.?

The short note that I want to send is to someone who had met my partner only once, at a time when my partner had been on her best behavior. I don?t want to say much more than the basics because I want my partner to be treated with the decency and respect she deserves and without stigma attached.

I don?t want my disclosures to create what I?ve taken to calling The Cootie Effect. My partner can be articulate and charming and seem as ?normal? as she does eccentric. She aches to be helpful and to be valued; who doesn?t? I don?t want my disclosures to close off potential avenues of participation for her. I want her to feel freer to interact with people, because isolation makes things worse ? for both of us.

And yet, I want to be fair. To her. To me. To the people around us. It can feel like trying to balance on a thin, unraveling thread.

2. Spoken word

On Christmas Day my partner thanked me for not taking her to the hospital, back in October of 2011, when she had overdosed on diphenhydramine (Benadryl).

She doesn?t want me to take her to the hospital if she overdoses again. She is afraid they will keep her there and perform more ?surgery? on her brain.

I did not promise anything.

I said, ?I want you to write your wishes down for me in a letter, and I want you to sign it.?

She liked that idea, although she has not written the letter yet. (I am not holding my breath.) Despite what she had said in October of 2011 (?I have considered that, and I think that doesn?t stand up very much?), she now believes that a different diphenhydramine overdose ? not MS ? had been the cause of her 1982 hospitalization.

She doesn?t recall overdosing back in 1982, but she says the overdosing itself had caused amnesia. She had ?remembered? ? though not until after her 2011 overdose ? a bottle of pills whose level had dropped. She now says the hospital had deliberately given her MS in 1982 because they knew that she had overdosed on diphenhydramine and therefore thought that she had been suicidal ? and that giving her MS was their way of ?fixing? her.

Now she is saying that her neurologist and his staff knew about her ?brain surgery? and felt guilty about what happened 30 years ago, so they did something in her most recent MRI that helped alleviate her back problems from scoliosis.

I have fallen into the practice of holding my tongue. I do not pretend to believe her, but I rarely challenge her openly. Because in the end, those words don?t matter.

They don?t matter because despite the fact that we had spoken for more than 90 minutes on the day after her overdose in October of 2011, she had completely forgotten our conversation.

Some days after that, she was angry with me when I gave her the transcript to read, because she thought that I had kept that information from her. She had not realized that she had overdosed at all.

Whereas I thought she had remembered our 90-plus-minute talk.

She doesn?t want me taking her to the hospital, the way her former partner had taken her to the hospital back in 1982. Just give her a few days, she said. Make sure she has enough water.

I did not promise anything.

Some day I might face the choice of whether or not to bring her in. It might be an overdose. It might be an exacerbation. It might be anything.

On that day I will have to listen to my gut.

Even after reading the transcript (which she says she?s done), my partner tells me I?ve got it wrong, and that she had not taken 200 mg. of diphenhydramine in October 2011.

But I have the recording, in which she admits to having taken four green pills containing 12.5 mg each and six red pills containing 25 mg each.

She can sound much better, but her halting and disorganized speech pattern is not unusual. She sounds worse the more stressed she feels. Her overdose last year had come two months before she was officially diagnosed with MS that acts like traumatic brain injury.

When I remember and when I have the chance, I record our conversations now. When I feel emotionally strong enough I transcribe them. Both activities take practice.

It?s not the button pushing that takes practice, or the typing. It?s bringing myself to do it.

Otherwise, part of me wonders: Did this really happen? Did I really hear this?

The digital recorder does not pretend.

I posted this (along with the full transcript) on a friends-only diary on October 4, 2011:

My partner was talking loudly enough in her sleep for me to hear her through my earplugs. I took my earplugs out and asked, ?What??

Her words were badly slurred. I couldn?t understand what she was saying. When I thought I could hear her correctly, her syntax was way off, and I couldn?t understand what she meant.

I rushed to the studio and got my digital recorder. I haven?t tried to transcribe from that conversation yet; the transcript below is the best quality sound and contains probably the most important information.

She was unsteady on her feet as I helped her to the bathroom, and she would have fallen if I didn?t hold her up. She sat down hard on the toilet seat and had to stand up again to pull her pants down; for a moment I didn?t know if she was going to just pee right through them. But she was aware enough to take care of her hygiene.

Getting her back into bed proved difficult. I had to convince her to move to where she could lie down on the mattress; she thought she was there when she wasn?t. She asked for water, which I got her; then she had to pee again. Then I helped her back to bed.

A couple of times after that she began talking, I asked her what she was saying, and she accused me of talking and keeping her up. Finally she fell asleep, I could hear her snore, and I quietly left the bedroom.

She had an appointment with the podiatrist, which I cancelled.

Later she awoke and was steady on her feet. We started talking in the studio, and I surreptitiously turned on my computer recorder, whose mic isn?t as sensitive as the one on my digital recorder. When my partner left the room I grabbed my digital recorder, which I held as I followed her through the house.

The transcript represents a shade over an hour and a half of talking. My partner speaks very slowly, with frequent, long pauses. Among other things, I learned from her that last night, in an attempt to sleep, she had taken ten pills (basically generic Benadryls, in two different strengths of diphenhydramine, for a total of 200 mg of diphenhydramine), followed by a half-bottle of beer, followed by what I measured out to be 5.33 ounces of brandy.

Excerpt from our conversation on October 3, 2011

ejourneys: So, are you saying you took four of those last night?

Partner: That?s correct. There were two things that looked like this.

ejourneys: Right.

Partner: And I tried this. I tried one of these and, uh, ?cause this would be one diphenhydramine pill. So I, at first I had this, plus a little red lozenge.

ejourneys: So, uh, the two pills that you took had 500 milligrams acetominophen, 30 milligrams pseudoepinephrine hydrochloride, 12.5 milligrams diphenhydramine hydrochloride.

Partner: Right.

ejourneys: And that?s per pill, and you took two of those.

Partner: Right. The standard, I?ve been, I figured out that, um, one diphenhydramine pill doesn?t work for me. Uh, I?ve only ever tried that for allergy stuff.

ejourneys: Right.

Partner: And ?

ejourneys: And you said on top of that, you took one of the red lozenges?

Partner: No, more than that. Because ? okay, the small set of two?

ejourneys: Mm hm.

Partner: Before last night, there were three sets of two there.

ejourneys: Okay.

Partner: So I took one of the sets of two. All right, yes. So there were three of these in here. I took this equivalent, plus this, uh, this used up for diphenhydramine, 12-packs. The 12-pack had three, three times three, to start with. So I took three of the reds plus this.

ejourneys: Okay. Three red pills plus two ?

Partner: Not at one ? yeah. Yes.

ejourneys: But we?re talking within, what? Like, a 12-hour period?

Partner: Yes.

ejourneys: Okay. So, each red pill has 25 milligrams of diphenhydramine hydrochloride. Okay.

Partner: Yeah. So, two of these plus the rest of one dose of diphenhydramine I hoped would knock me out. It didn?t.

ejourneys: Mm hm.

Partner: Uh, enter the beer. And pouring myself a half of a bottle, that didn?t knock me out.

ejourneys: Okay.

Partner: Uh ?

ejourneys: And that?s when you turned to the brandy.

Partner: Yes. And actually before that, there was this ? this ? this plus two pills, not asleep.

ejourneys: Okay. So, two ? you?re saying two of the green pills plus two of the red pills? How many ?

Partner: Actually, the first time, uh, I believe it was two of these and one of the reds.

ejourneys: Two of the greens, one of the reds. Did you take any more pills after that?

Partner: Yes. I ended up drawing down ? there were three of these sets of two in this box.

ejourneys: Mm hm.

Partner: You can see that there isn?t now. Um ?

ejourneys: How many sets of two did you take?

Partner: There were three of these. As I kept being aware that I?m not asleep, I ? I can go through, it?s like I would be down for ten minutes and realize, nope, not asleep, get up.

ejourneys: Mm hm.

Partner: And, um, so, and I, well, if one, I thought in terms of groups of, there was a time in my life when two diphenhydramines, I, okay, no, this is going to be about, um, this will be sleep and, uh, it won?t be another list of a week with no sleep. I didn?t add them to lists of other things, like blackouts. Um, just, I?m trying to be laborious and teach myself. Um, so I had thought this equals one red pill or red and white. And I know that one red pill is not going to do it. So I took an actual red pill.

ejourneys: Mm hm.

Partner: That was my first last night experience of pills. So, one plus two halves didn?t equal sleep. I took another this, and one diphenhydramine. That didn?t equal sleep.

ejourneys: Okay.

Partner: Somewhere in there, toward the end, I ? I memory thought there was a beer in the refrigerator. That wasn?t true. It ended up that I cracked open a bottle and I intentionally left the cap, um, out here.

ejourneys: Mm hm.

Partner: In ? in case of writing down. I didn?t write down, but I even wrote it down anyway. So, and I still hadn?t fallen asleep.

ejourneys: Okay.

Partner: The, uh, so it ended up that the night started with, in the red pill category, there were strips that had six of them. Um, this plus three, and then another this plus three. Still not asleep.

ejourneys: Okay. When you say plus three, do you mean three red pills?

Partner: I think so, yeah.

ejourneys: Okay. So you said this plus three twice.

Partner: Yeah.

ejourneys: When you said this, you lifted the two green pills.

Partner: Uh huh.

ejourneys: So that happens, this plus three twice ?

Partner: Right.

ejourneys: We?re talking now a total of ten pills.

Partner: A different ? no, don?t, please don?t, um, add these to the red pill count, because they?re different.

ejourneys: Right. But ? okay, so this plus three, twice, means you have taken four of the green pills and six of the red pills. Is that correct?

Partner: In total.

ejourneys: Over the past, say, 12 hours or so.

Partner: There was definitely four of these.

ejourneys: Four of the green pills.

Partner: Taken because the night started out with two packets like that.

ejourneys: Mm hm.

Partner: Three packets like that in this box. It?s now two of the pills, one of the packets. So, four out of what looks like that.

ejourneys: Mm hm.

Partner: Six out of the red pills. One half of a beer. And the half, the jigger, I still wasn?t asleep. Um, I think I was even thinking of having more than one jigger, so I didn?t keep returning. But I actually controlled myself and had only one additional jigger.

ejourneys: So two jiggers of brandy.

Partner: Yes.

ejourneys: Is a jigger about an ounce?

Partner: Uh, well, the item I used is, well, the first time I rinsed it out, and the second time I didn?t, because I think the cold water on my hand was waking me up.

ejourneys: Okay.

Partner: So I set it somewhere to dry. It was the little starry night cup.

ejourneys: Okay. So I think that?s probably an ounce or an ounce and a half, maybe. I can measure it out.

Partner: Yeah.

ejourneys: We?ll find it when we find it.

Partner: Yes. There were two times I was going to that liquor cabinet.

ejourneys: Mm hm.

Partner: Actually, um, I was thinking that the water on my hand made awakeness happen.

ejourneys: Ah, there it is.

Partner: Okay.

ejourneys: We can measure that out.

Partner: Yeah. And I think I filled it up to, um, about there both times.

ejourneys: All right. So about a half inch from the top.

Partner: Something like that.

ejourneys: Mm hm.

Partner: And, uh, it does [inaudible; something about residue] ?

ejourneys: I can feel it on my, uh, my hand, yeah.

Partner: [inaudible] I rinsed it out.

ejourneys: Mm hm.

Partner: [inaudible; water running]

ejourneys: Okay.

Partner: And there might be some sticky from this, from the second jigger.

ejourneys: So, the measuring cup is showing ?

Partner: Please move away from the sink.

ejourneys: Uh huh.

Partner: I need to rinse off.

ejourneys: Okay.

Partner: I mean ?

ejourneys: Right.

Partner: Thank you. So at one point, I didn?t take two jiggers.

ejourneys: Right.

Partner: At any given point ?

ejourneys: Mm hm.

Partner: There was only one jigger involved.

ejourneys: The measuring cup shows about a third of a cup for the contents of that starry night.

Partner: And it was the first jigger didn?t knock me out, maybe because of rinsing.

ejourneys: Mm hm.

Partner: I went back out, didn?t have the other half beer, but did have another jigger.

ejourneys: Okay.

Partner: And that was, I didn?t ? I don?t think I had any more pills after seeing what alcohol could do for me.

[end of excerpt]

On Friday my partner asked me what emotions I feel when she tells me her theories. I told her that I feel numb.

She thought that meant that she was boring me to tears.

?Not boring,? I said. ?Not tears. Just numb.?

I don?t know how she interprets my answer, but she accepted it.

I did not say that underneath my numbness I feel anger, impatience, and much dismay. I feel numb from clamping down on them and presenting a calm exterior ? because I can?t tell her not to believe what she needs to believe. I can?t tell her that every time she expounds on a new conspiracy theory I want to get her fitted for one of these:

Because heck, if one?s going to wear a tinfoil hat, it might as well be faaabulous.

Source: http://www.caregiving.com/2012/12/communications-2/

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